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What should you not do on a first date? - Printable Version

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What should you not do on a first date? - Williamm - 10-18-2020

Here are some of my tips on what not to do on a first date:
Texting While on The Date
Before I started consistently hearing from women about this I honestly believed it was some stereotype that existed only in movies. But no, which is why I have to say this.
STAY OFF OF YOUR PHONES WHILE ON DATES
Unless you're showing her something (which I recommend showing her cool pictures, cute animal pics or whatever else) keep your phone in your pocket, preferably on silent/vibrate. And if you do show her something from that one cool trip you had, then bring up the topic, talk about it for a moment and show her whatever it is that you want to show her. It can even be a funny video, that works too. But afterwards, put it back in your pocket.
There is absolutely no other reason to be on your phone while on a date with a woman.
Again, if you want to show her something then that's perfectly fine. It can even help you out and make you look good. But first, make sure that she enjoys the topic and then put it away immediately after.
I've had unusual circumstances come up where there was some kind of emergency and my phone just would not stop vibrating in my pocket. I told her what was happening and that I should probably check it in case it was an emergency and apologized as I took it out.
Turns out someone added me to a group chat, so as I was silencing the group chat notifications we had a good laugh about it. That got us talking about how annoying they are and it allowed us to connect about it.
Perfectly fine, sometimes shit happens. But make sure to be polite about it.
Talking Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Too Much
Probably the number 1 turnoff for both men and women, is simply never shutting up.
When you spend all of the time talking you prevent your possible new special friend from ever investing in you or the date. One of the reasons that some people are considered so magnetic and charismatic is because they push others into investing in the conversation. They cause others to invest in the conversation, and into them.
When someone invests in you they begin to like you more. The same is true when people do favors for you, if you want people to like you ask them to do favors for you. It's known as the Ben Franklin Effect (taken from Wikipedia):
Quote:The Ben Franklin effect is a proposed psychological phenomenon: a person who has already performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor for the other than if they had received a favor from that person.
What this tells us is that you should get people to invest in you, not the other way around. If you want to feel more connected to someone then you should invest more of yourself into that relationship.
But when you talk too much, you will walk away from a date feeling like you two are connected while she's thinking about how she just wasted a half hour of her life.
Your number 1 goal when talking to women, if you want them to feel connected to you is to get them to open up to you. Be curious about people in general and you'll make more friends as well as lovers. You should aim to learn something new about women when talking to them.
However don't go overboard into the next mistake...
Don't Interview Your Dates and Forget to Relate to Them
While you need to be curious and ask lots of questions, you shouldn't switch into interview mode. This means that you will have to switch it up.
Some easy ways to do this is to find things to relate to her with. Say she talks about something that she's passionate about. It could be anything, say she's a passionate vegan. Now let's say that you're a borderline Ron Swanson.
No need to fear, you can still get this girl. It's not important that you connect with her on being a vegan (though if you yourself are a vegan it will certainly help). What is important is to connect with her emotionally.
When she starts talking about how animals are super important to her, that she wants to save the planet, there's still a chance. She loves animals and the planet so much that she can't sit still when she thinks about it. She feels so much for everything involved about being vegan.
Even Ron Swanson has a chance to connect with her here.
Relate to her about something that you're passionate about. Whatever that thing is. I'll use myself as an example, I love exploring the world around me. Adventures are my thing.
So if I were on a date with this woman, even though I'm damn near a Ron Swanson meat level eater myself, I can still connect with her. I would say something like...
Quote:That's awesome that you're so passionate about something like that! I know exactly what you mean, I'm the same way about exploration. I just love finding new places to roam around in.
Just thinking about a new fun place to adventure in makes my foot twitch and I can't help but get this stupid grin on my face. I get this itch of insatiable wanderlust to just go and run around whatever this new place is. Sometimes I'll take my camera, sometimes I get too excited and forget to bring it but it's always a great time either way.
Not only does a statement like that give her something to relate to me with (we are each passionate about something, and passion in a man is a panty-dropper) but it also gives her something to ask me about if she wants, photography. Or maybe I've accidentally hit on one of her other passions.
Doing things like this allows you to ease off of asking too many questions and allows you to easily turn the conversation back to her. In this example, she may ask me about photography or she may launch right into another story. If she were to ask me about photography, even though it's another passion of mine, I would quickly answer her question and turn it back around to her "I love it, it's so fun to bring a creation of yours to life. What about you, do you like getting in front of or even behind a camera?"
Boom, now there's a new conversation piece where you can take it anywhere you want to. From here, I could ask her to model for me sometime, tease her about her shyness or maybe find out about her secret stash of topless selfies. When you get women to open up to you, you'll hear all kinds of things. It can be a fun and wild ride.
But when you start getting women to open up to you...
Be Careful About Judging Her...
HUGE MISTAKE!!!
If you judge her after she starts to open up then she's going to start 'othering' you. People like those who are similar to themselves. That means that if you judge her she's going to see you less as someone compatible and similar to her and more as someone that is very unlike her.
This is also why you absolutely, should never talk about religion or politics on a first date. If she brings it up and you hold the exact same opinions, then it's fine to connect over it a little bit but even then... I wouldn't. That's because beliefs can be so nuanced you never know when you'll accidentally hit someone's hot button. If somehow you do manage to find it, you'll never see her again.
Going back to the vegan example above, you can't go into how vegans are sentimental dumbasses if you expect to see her ever again. I don't know about you, but my goal on a date with a woman is to eventually have sex with her. If only for a night or for the rest of my life, that's still my goal.
If that's not your goal, then you can go ahead and whatever it is that you want. But if you want to see her again, then it's much safer to just change the subject.
That also means that if you have strong, negative opinions about certain groups of people, keep them to yourself. Feel free to talk about them when she's become a regular part of your life.
You just never know what someones past has been like. Say you don't like politicians (I wouldn't blame you, they suck) you still can't bring up how much they suck unless she does first. And even then, you want to choose your words carefully.
If you bring up how terrible all politicians are, she might agree with you. But there's also the chance that she's heavily invested into politics herself. Goes to meetings, considers herself an activist and so on. Or maybe her dad is a hardcore politician. If you were to start badmouthing all politicians you would also be badmouthing her dad, and if she likes her dad then she would start to hate you.
Most of the time, you'll never know why either. She'll just go quiet and end the date as soon as she gets the chance.
It's much safer to just change the subject. Even if what you want is a serious girlfriend, I would still advise you to be careful about harsh and negative opinions. Otherwise you will be lonely while on the search, and you might end up getting rusty and losing out on the girl you do want when you find her.
Habits are hard to break.


RE: What should you not do on a first date? - Camilla - 10-19-2020

Thank you a lot for your article! I completely agree with your opinion, besides, I met my woman online too and now we are thinking about the marriage. We did it here on https://www.lustylocals.com/ and I'm sure that you need to check that resource because there you can find some interesting girls as well.


RE: What should you not do on a first date? - vivian9x - 10-20-2020

You make so many great points here that I read your article a couple of times. Your views are in accordance with my own for the most part. This is great content for your readers